she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Who died my cat blue again?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
