Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize