man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
