He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize