Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
