P.S. I can't hear my feet
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
