Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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