Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
