did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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