what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We are two peas in an std pod
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
