I think my fart just growled at me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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