The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
