if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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