You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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