SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Text me some of your sweat
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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