were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
