A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
