Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
