How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
