She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
