When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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