Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
