My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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