if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
