Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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