VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
