you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
