After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
