There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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