Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
