I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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