i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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