Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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