Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
