God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
