he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
