I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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