you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i think my cat just said my name.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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