I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
