Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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