someone owes me an orgasm
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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