Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
