when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
