I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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