Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she peed on how many people?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
