farters have to be the big spoon...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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