Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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