literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
