Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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