Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
