he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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