38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize