There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
