Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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