don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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