I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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