All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
