woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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