oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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