I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
