is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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