i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
