i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
