I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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