so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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