You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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