at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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