Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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