Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
