u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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