btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My liver just had a heart attack.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
