shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
