he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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