Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
