You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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