the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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