Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
