He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
