drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize