Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
