I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
