you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
