That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize