dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
