Why does Corona taste like a burp?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
