now i know why i became what i already was.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize