I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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