Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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