well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
