i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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