Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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