I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
