bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
