Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just found a bag of teeth...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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