I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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