wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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