Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
