when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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