I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
