i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
